My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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