I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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