your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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