K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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