I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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