She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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