Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
