It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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