i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
