I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
