you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just cropdusted the office
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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