so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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