He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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