She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
