giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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