Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
