he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
