I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
