he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i out mim tonsoeep
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