I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
