Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
