im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
