im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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