i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
