fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize