fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
