Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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