can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
