So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
