Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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