dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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