Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
