I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
