let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
