11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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