She is in my trunk
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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