Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize