What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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