I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
