i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
