He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
