bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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