so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
