Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
