Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
