Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
