Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my liver is dry heaving
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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