I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
