Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
do nipples grow back?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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