It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
