My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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