I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
