I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
