just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
