i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
