I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
