I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
