Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I faked an abortion last night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
