i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
