does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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