Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
