i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
