i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
